So I'm feeling crappy, working this weekend still healing from my foot/ankle/knee and am somewhat drained and Katherine and I get into a fight.  I realize that I want to smoke, and think oh I'll just have one cigarette.  Then I think that is exactly how I start smoking again.  Then I think about how I'll clean the house and another million positive things and none of those ring a bell, then I realize.  I'm not happy, at all.

And it has nothing to do with Katherine, it just has to do with everything.  And I realize I need a psychiatrist, or a counselor, or some medication or something.  It's this spiral that's not happy.  It's my way of thinking that's not happy, it's my life-work balance that is leading to me not to be happy.  It's my weight, my health, my fears, my everything, my lack of energy that is causing me to not be happy.

There are a million factors, and I can't figure out any of them, which one or combination is the trigger.  Or maybe nothing, maybe it's a chemical imbalance.  I'm not driven in any area of my life, and it's not because I'm lazy it's because I'm exhausted and sad, and often think that so and so I work on will either not be worth working on or I will fail at it.  Or I get distracted....

Why can't I focus?   Am i absent-minded?  Am I ADD?  Am I depressed?  or am I just human?

Definitely need someone to talk to figure this shit out.